NEW YEAR

VACCINATED

I got a call to go and get the Covid vaccine this afternoon at a local Health Centre. So I'm going. But I hope there won't be any of that applause and tv cameras bullshit. I mean, come on! Applause for being still alive although chronologically past it? I will humbly accept applause, preferably with absurd amounts of cash attached, when it's for my work and/or my wonderfulness but I had nothing to do with getting old. Applaud whatever or whoever is in charge of destiny. It ain't me.

HAPPY EVERYTHING TODAY

LONELY SEASON

Here is the original Eleanor Rigby by John Lennon from Yellow Submarine.

CRACKED CHRISTMAS

It's cracked and it's dark but some light is still coming through. Let's celebrate the light my dear friends, and thank you so much for your presence right here, all year, I rely on it, rejoice in it, need it, love it.

A SONG FOR NOW

The album cover image is not about the song I am sharing here. I heard only a fragment of it and spent the night searching the internet for the rest. It's not the well-known romantic Santa Lucia, this one is by singer-songwriter Francesco De Gregori.I've translated his lyrics for you but not well enough.

Santa Lucia

For all those who have eyes

and a heart, when eyes are not enough.

Tranquility for all those who go to sea,

and for every tear on your dress,

for those who didn’t understand.

Santa Lucia,

to those who drink in the night,die in the night,read in the night

and fall under the last train.

To friends who pace back and forth,

to those who have lost heart and wings.

To those who live at crossroads of the winds

and are burned alive.

To easy people who never have doubts,

to our crown of stars and thorns.

To our fear of the dark and of fantasy.

Santa Lucia,

the violin of the poor is a sunken boat,

and a little boy on the second floor,

who sings and laughs out of tune,

he has far to go, make it sweet for him,

down to the rain in his shoes,

and even his solitude.

ADVICE

FOR THE NEW YEAR NOT YET HERE

CONSCIOUSLY CONSCIOUS

What's on my mind is consciousness. The older you get the more you should think about it, not so much think but explore. Sorry for saying SHOULD. Wait, no. I'm not sorry. The only reason I said sorry is because I thought it's not correct to tell people they should or shouldn't think this that or the other but we do it all the time don't we? If it's incorrect then I admit to being frequently incorrect. So?

Consciousness is on my mind because that's the most mind-blowing thing which can possibly be on anyone's mind. Whether consciousness is in the brain or the brain is inside consciousness or some other explanation wraps it all up, no subject is more exciting, as I see it.

DECEMBER ALREADY

Can it be the first day of December already? Last December was only five minutes ago. The speed of light decreases every year, I'm sure. So this is now last year but also this year, minus five minutes.

SMALL AMAZEMENTS

Amazing little things that happen. Trying to open the un-openable lid of a small new container of black peppercorns because lid designers don't care whether they can be opened or not of course when I finally attacked it with a knife blade the peppercorns rolled all over the kitchen floor, perfect tiny spheres ecstatic with freedom glissandoed into every crack and crevice even though I pursued them with a spoon. I'm sure I will find colonies of them hiding and multiplying pepperly forever.

Then there was the unexpected shadow play in the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet I suddenly noticed that if my right hand was lifted up it cast a double shadow, one in black and one in colour! So I made shapes with the fingers and thought of Plato. But did he see shadows of one hand in two different colours? On the bathroom floor? I don't think so.

NEW PAINTING IN PROGRESS

New painting in progress. I have a title for it. Guess what it is?

SOFA UPDATE

Irrelevant update in case anyone was losing sleep worrying about my absent sofa cushions. I'M JOKING. I know nobody was losing sleep over cushions. The cushions, with covers now fitting over their fat firm foam filling, have been returned by the sofa company. If anyone visits me between now and next year I will ask to be photographed reclining on the sofa.

BERNIE SANDERS TELLS IT LIKE IT IS

DEMOCRACY WINS!

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, welcome to the world stage. May you bring some light and hope to its darkness.

LET THE COUNTING CONTINUE

Of course he will contest it. Of course he'll continue to claim it's all fraudulent, a conspiracy by Democrats. That's what despots and dictators always do and what their supporters and imitators do. It's not over yet.

Latest US election news.

CONSPIRACIES OR THEORIES?

Do you have conversations with yourself when some particular subject has been nagging at you demanding to be vocalised and words pop up on your mental screen arranging themselves into sentences and then an hour or a day or a week later you say, yup, I'm gonna post this on the internut? Yup, I do. My subject today is: conspiracy theories and actual conspiracies: can you tell which is which?

Suppose, just for example, you're considering adopting a vegan diet and you read an article by an eminent scientist/nutritionist/doctor/sport star stating that eliminating meat and all animal products from your diet seriously endangers your health and that of yourcurrent or future children.

a} Do you, because of the eminent status of any of these influencers/experts decide that the risks of radically changing your diet are too great?

b) Do you research the expertise /eminence of the author of the article and make your decision based on what you discover? For ex: the expert happens to be a shareholder in a meat processing industry, or a dairy company is sponsoring the sports star. Etcetera etcetera. Do you conclude that the 'danger to health' warning is fake news, part of a conspiracy by big businesses worried about the rising popularity of veganism?

c) Do you do further careful research into pro-vegan as well as neutral sources and weigh up the evidence according to your informed judgement and gut feelings about people you've personally consulted?

For the above example you can substitute any controversial subject which has had the label Conspiracy attached to it.

Some people are absolutely sure of one (or more) of the following: a) All conspiracy theories are imaginary. b) If you can smell smoke there is a fire somewhere. c) No human being is beyond reproach. d) Top Experts, top Institutions and top People must never be suspected or accused of being involved in conspiracies because they just wouldn't be, would they? If you think they are then you are delusional.

Having said all that,the question remains: when an issue is huge and the risks of misinterpretation genuinely dangerous, how do you effectively and truthfully separate the wheat from the chaff?

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THE TIMES THEY'RE NOT A-CHANGING

Are these times more politically corrupt, chaotic, vindictive and deceitful than ever or is it that pandemic isolation makes us more aware of it all?

The vicious, relentless, unjust campaign to destroy Jereremy Corbyn continues unabated. They didn't only want him out, they want him crawling on his knees slobbering for mercy, signing an admission of guilt and accepting to be burned at the stake.

He is not going to sign since he is one of the rare politicians who value integrity more than popularity and he knows that the accusation of antisemitism is a vile smear against him, deliberately fabricated and orchestrated. Evidence of this is obvious to anyone who takes the trouble to search for the facts behind propaganda.

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REMEMBERING SACHA d'ARBELOFF

On this date 30th October twenty-four years ago my beloved father Alexander (Sacha) d'Arbeloff died in London aged 101. I've written about him several times here and my in--progress autobiography. At the moment I don't want to add words but here's a short video I made in 2011: Eternal Return, a visual poem about the nostalgia and mystery of my Russian ancestry, on my father's side.

https://vimeo.com/33949025

The soundtrack is Alexander Vertinsky, famous Russian cabaret singer of the 1920s, singing Liliowy Negr (purple black). My father loved Vertinsky's songs and with my mother Blanche saw him perform them in Paris nightclubs at that time. The photo of Sacha below was taken by George Cserna in New York 1955.

Eternal Return: my Russian ancestors from Natalie d'Arbeloff on No comments:

BIDEN 10 - TRUMP ZERO

Stayed up and watched the whole thing. No contest. Well-prepared Biden won. As for the other guy....what is there to say that hasn't already been said?

HAIR TODAY

Just wanted the highlights to be more contrasty but the guy overdid it and now I'm almost white-haired. Or platinum blonde. Haven't been my real dark brunette self for many years now but this is beyond the pale. Don't know if I hate it or like it.

SELF-IMPRESSION

Sometimes I impress myself. It's okay to impress yourself as long as you stay in reality and don't get into Trumpish-type insanity which totally denies the existence of reality. My latest bout of self-impression was for a challenging bit of DIY which you wouldn't expect from a so-called Little Old Lady (LOL) if you believe those clichés about LOLs and LOMs (Little Old Men).

I was expecting delivery of a new sofa to replace the exceedingly uncomfortable, decrepit one I boastfully re-upholstered in another bout of DIY a while ago. I realised that the new sofa wouldn't get through the door of the living room and the only solution was to remove the door. This is what I proceeded to do. Unscrewing the rusty screws from the hinges was slow but not impossible (I stood on a box) but the middle bit, a long rubbery thing fitted into a hole, took a lot of tugging and wrenching. It eventually gave in to my efforts and the heavy door was released. Impressive, eh?

Well, yes, but the door being heavy I only managed to lean it against the wall. The delivery men brought the new sofa and, hurrah, it fitted through the door-less doorway. Now I have to ask a neighbour to help me put the door back on its hinges.

HIDEOUT

Waiting for proofs from dStudio. Many thanks to those of you who ordered Giclée prints, you'll have them soon. Meanwhile I've been working on a new small painting. Maybe it's finished, maybe not. It's kind of cartoonish but why not? I like it. HIDEOUT. NdA 2020. Acrylic & tempera on canvas. 30 x 30 cms. (12" x 12")

GICLEE PRINT OF "HABITS"

For the benefit of anyone interested, this post is about ordering Giclée prints of the image above: Habits-Stanislavski-NdA or other images by me. To get prices for Giclêe printing I contacted dStudio a company specialising in working for artists. Their website is very informative and well worth a browse.

I must now give a little lecture on the words giclée and limited editions because, as Michael Caine once said, not a lot of people know this. If some of you are experts on these matters please yawn quietly.

1.Giclée is from the French verb gicler - to spray or squirt - which is what inkjet printing equipment does. The difference between ordinary inkjet printing and Giclée printing is that the latter uses light-fast,pigment-based and longer lasting inks in a wider range of colours, printed at much higher resolution, producing sharper, more intense and durable results. Another crucial factor is that Giclée can be printed on a wide variety of media including museum-grade archival papers, canvas etc.

2. Limited editions: as an artist/printmaker who has created and printed on a hand press a great many limited editions in various techniques such as etching, relief-printing,collagraphs, stencils, monoprints etc. I get a bit pedantic when Giclée prints are called “limited editions” and priced as highly as if they are the same thing as hand-printed artist’s original prints. They are NOT the same thing. Each print in a bonafide traditional limited edition is an original, hand-inked from an original block or plate drawn by the artist. The Giclée printing process is excellent and produces excellent digital reproductions of an artwork. Nothing wrong with that and I’m happy to make use of this process now and then. But I am not jumping on the bandwagon and charging for a Giclée print what I would charge for my original prints. paintings or other artworks. End of lecture. Down to business now.

For an A4 size (29 x 21cms) GICLEE print of Habits-Sanislavski-NdA on Hahnemuhle 100% cotton Photo Rag 308gsm archival paper, plus a certificate of authenticity, I'm asking £60 which covers my costs and allows me a modest profit. You can pay me via PayPal or bank transfer. If in London you could if you wish collect a print from me, but dStudio will deliver prints anywhere. Their rates for delivery (see their pricing page for different options.) Please add relevant delivery charge to the £60 when you send me your order and include the address where you want the print or prints delivered.

Anywhere in UK: Standard delivery: £3.40 Europe: £6.50 USA and rest of world: £7.50

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DEBATABLE

The Trump ascendancy to power has turned the USA into a caricature of itself. All the worst tropes about America and Americans you've ever heard or thought are outlined in blazing neon lights and shouted from the rooftops at deafening volume. That this seems like a television show gone haywire only makes it more dangerous because it's so much easier to laugh than to take in that it's actually happening in reality and infects the whole of this planet.

The best of America now seems to be in shadow, in chiaroscuro, while Trump and his cohorts prance around in ominously hypnotic technicolour. The Trump-Biden "debate" was another illustration of an unbelievable yet factual state of affairs. Biden isn't the ideal opponent but at present he's the only alternative to catastrophe. He urgently needs to get out of the shadows and inspire voters to stop the Trump ascendancy.

HABITUAL INSPIRATION

I needed something to kick me back to the work which has been lying comatose since I stopped paying attention to it because of this that and the other. I was leafing through a notebook where I keep inspirational quotes and found this one by Stanislavski. Doodled a decoration around it and here it is.

MY VERY OWN CATARACT REMOVAL

It was not a pleasant experience but not entirely unpleasant. Blessed NHS sent angelic drivers to pick me up and bring me back home. The wait at the hospital was long but quiet and punctuated by the insertion of many varieties of eyedrops. The op itself was surrealism, sci-fi and existentialism. Only the left eye was anaesthesised, I was fully conscious, lying down, head and face covered apart from small area left open for the surgical business. Various masked and gowned persons moving about, talking, presumably about what they were doing, and strange, melodic machine sounds. Instructions given to me were simple: look up, keep both eyes open, breathe. What I saw looking up was something like the view from a spaceship. Different kinds of lights, shapes like abstract skulls, crystalline cobwebs. I felt calm, detached. Also annoyed that it was taking so long. It seemed long but maybe it was only an hour or two. Then the surgeon said it's all done, everything went very well. In the waiting room, they gave me a cup of tea,biscuits and instructions to take home plus more eyedrops I must use for 2 weeks several times a day. An ambulance ride home and that's that.

The glint in my eye is not a glint: it's a reflection on the plastic shield taped over the de-cataracted eye which I must wear for a week every night when I sleeo but can take off in the daytime. As yet I have no idea what the world will look like through the doctored eye. We shall see. Goodnight for now.

CATARACTING

Here is a photo of cataracts . The next photo is of somebody whose left eye will have a cataract surgically removed tomorrow. Too bad to lose such a beautiful natural phenomenon but apparently it improves vision. Who knew?

A PARAGUAY CONNECTION

When I posted the Paraguay parts of my fragmented autobio there was a sudden and welcome influx of Paraguayan visitors to my facebok page and some have since become my long-distance friends, One of them is José Luis De Tone, a photographer, critic and journalist who lives in Aregua, a beautiful small town outside of Asunciòn. Browsing his facebook page, I was struck by a photo José Luis took several years ago of himself with a college friend, Elizabeth. I commented on it, saying that it would make a very interesting painting. Well, what do you know, I've done it. Below is a photo of it taken yesterday. The actual colours of the painting are not so dark but my camera never gets colour right. Maybe I need a better camera. José Luis De Tone with Eli. NdA 2020. Acrylic, watercolour and coloured pencils on handmade cotton rag paper. 30 x 40 cms (12 x 16 inches).

LATEST PORTRAIT

A portrait I started in July is now finished and Plum Johnson, who commissioned it, has given me permision to post a photo of it before I ship the painting to Toronto, her home. I had several photos to work from but chose only one. The background design appeared in my mind almost fully formed when semi-awake one morning. I did a quick sketch of this geometric 'dream' before starting the portrait. Strangely enough, Plum tells me that the background has symbolic significance for her and resonates deeply. The process is intuitive and I have no idea how it happens but it does, quite often. In his livre d'artiste Jazz, Matisse wrote: En art la vèrité, le réel commence quand on ne comprend plus rien a ce qu'on fait, a ce qu'on sait... (In art the truth, the real begins when you no longer understand what you are doing, what you know...) Portrait of Plum Johnson. NdA 2020. Acrylic on canvas. 60 x 50cms (24 x 20 inches}

I DO NOT LIKE THE NEW BLOGGER FORMAT: HOW TO OPT OUT?

This is only to say that my blog and I are not dead, we are alive and kicking but need to decide what to do about Blogger/Google's imposition of a new format. Anyone else with this problem please post your advice!

HIP OP UPCOMING

Am starting to count down the days until the op this coming Friday. Don't know whether to apologise or insult my right hip joint for outliving its usefulness. I've looked it up and apparently the hip replacement surgery can be done posteriorly or anteriorly. In other words it will either be my ass or my thigh which will hurt until it calms down. I am girding my loins, as they say, in anticipation. Avanti popolo!

PRE-OP SELF-ISOLATION BEGINS

Yesterday was the first day of 14-day pre-operation total self-isolation. Am stocked up on food etc. but apart from no walking or bus riding in the neighbourhood, life is as usual. New portrait commission on the go (from photos) and lots of other stuff to do. I presume I am the self-sufficient type but who knows?

OP DATE CHANGE

Change of date for the hip op (hip hop). It will now be on 31st of July instead of the 24th. I don't mind the delay at all. More time to creatively procrastinate and get more eyebags to carry ideas in.

What's good for eliminating eyebags apart from teabag compresses or digital trickery? And did you know that age makes your nose grow?

NEW HIP IS IN THE WORKS AND ON THE CARDS

Well, I've been given a date for the hip replacement op: 24 July. Sooner than expected but let's get it over with. The hospital tells me I must self-isolate for 14 days beforehand - not difficult since I hardly see anybody in any case. Kind neighbours will do my food shopping. May the benevolent Force be with us all! I've been lurching around like a (sober) drunken sailor so it's time to straighten me out.

SORRY STATUES

Statues of historical figures? Let them all be put into a Real History Museum where they can continue to stand or sit on their bronze horses. thrones or whatever and their factual, unvarnished histories will be told in detail with pictures and documents and film. Then everybody, including schoolchildren, will learn who they were, what they did and why they became statues.

This would make sense. Because, let's face it, who apart from pigeons and dogs ever pays attention to these monuments? How many passers by ever give them a second thought or know who they were, unless they're the big household names?

I INVESTIGATE THEREFORE AM I?

The way I approach autobiography is more like an investigation than a narrative. My aim, and my hope, is that when it’s all done and laid out in some as-yet undefined form, I will say AHA, now I get it, I can see clearly now.

I know this is an unrealistic expectation. Can we ever see ourselves and the life we’ve lived as if it were a still-life, an arrangement of objects in specific relation to each other inside a frame called Time? Truly see the elusive creature we address as “me”.

The whole idea of a "Me" both fascinates and baffles me. Yes, I’ve consulted the literature, the philosophies ancient and modern, the psychologies, the esoteric, the orthodox and unorthodox, the spiritual and the scientific views of the Self, whether capital S or lower case. All very interesting. But the only self I have ever had unlimited access to is the Moi that is sitting here typing these words. Isn’t that strange? Doesn’t it seem amazing to you that you are you? That you inhabit and are inhabited by a creature which is in some ways more or less identical to all other humans and in other ways, totally different? Isn’t that absolutely mind-blowing?

NdA. Self-Portrait, Los Angeles 1956.

SHOWERING THOUGHTS

I spend far too long taking a shower but it's my favourite place to think. The shower is not fancy, it's just an ordinary one over the bathtub with a striped shower curtain. But it's where my thoughts crystallize into words and sentences. Maybe the needles of hot water gently pricking my skin act like some kind of psychological acupuncture? Or maybe not.

What I'd like is a waterproof recording device that can be attached to the tiled shower wall and remotely connected to my computer so that I can ruminate into it and then see this later on my computer screen as well as printed out on paper.

Now it's almost 5pm...FIVE PM...and I haven't been out to do my shopping yet.
Back soon with another installment of the illustrated memoir.

BLANCHE, MY MOTHER

My mother came from a French working class family. Blanche was outspoken, combative, intuitive, filled with joie de vivre but also very private - "ailleurs" she said of herself, elsewhere. She started work at fourteen making hats. She was leaving work one day aged about nineteen and beautiful when my father happened to pass by. He stopped and invited her to dinner. She brushed him off but he came back every evening at the same time until she agreed. Her life changed totally from then on and they were together until the end.

The penultimate photo is of Blanche at 97 at her first exhibition. She began painting at 94 and was given an exhibition at the Mary Ward Centre in London. The last photo is of one of her paintings The Searcher.. She died in August 2001.

Young Blanche in Paris

Blanche newly arrived in America

PARENTS

Can't have old photos of self without including the two remarkable individuals who brought me into the world. Their influence was branded on my soul from day one and I guess is still there.

I tried at various times to paint my father's portrait from life but I couldn't 'get' him, he was too close and too elusive. He died in 1996 aged 101 and I painted a portrait of him in 2003 (second photo) from the first photo below, of the young Sacha, newly arrived in Paris from Russia. The third photo of him was taken in 1955 by Hungarian photographer George Cserna whom I met in New York.

My father newly arrived in Paris from Russia

Sacha as a young man. NdA 2013. Oil on canvas.

My father in New York 1955. Photo by George Cserna.

THE ARTIST AT NINE

This photo of me at nine in Los Angeles was the basis of two artworks many years later in London.

From Artist's book Mozart, Matisse, Blanche et Moi NdA 1990

Nathalie at Nine. NdA 1981. Oil on wood.

PAST POSES

Apparently it was a thing in Paris in those prehistoric times to have your kids photographed professionally, after their hair had been styled in the latest fashion. Apparently we didn't protest much, not even to the stupid poses, although I look a bit less pleased than my sister Annie. She is four years older.

MORE PAST MADE PRESENT

Finding one old photo, of course you start finding others and before you know it you're delving deep into your past. I love old family photos. No matter how blurred or scarred by time, they still vibrate with life and memories which may not be memories at all but reconstructions of moments. They're like novels that you want to read, find out what the plot is, who the characters are. I particularly like photos of two or three family characters together -what are they saying? what is the rapport?

Below are a few from the treasure trove of photos I have. Some have served as material for paintings or constructions. Is one's experience of family, from childhood onwards, the most powerful creative raw material?

My mother, my older sister and me in Royan, France

With my father in Paraguay.

9 year-old me in Los Angeles with parents and sister Annie.