Are you pursued by it? Does
it wake you in the morning and stand over your bed at night,
sometimes even following you into your dreams? Is it beside
you as you sit at your computer screen right now, asking
why you're not doing something you should be doing? Has it
whined inside your head so often and for so long that you
take it for granted, like the ticking of a clock or a tickle
in the throat? Very like the ticking of a clock since it
keeps on nagging about all the time you've wasted in
the past, are wasting now and will waste in future.
Can you tell that by YOU I
Does your guilt ressemble my guilt? No? If you are one of
the fortunate few who can do that living-in-the-now thing
without feeling guilty, then arrivederci:
go and smell the roses while I and the rest of us guilt-prisoners
examine the walls of our cells and ponder our escape.
Let me make clear first of all that
I don't want to get rid of guilt completely. I just want
it to stay in its place and speak only when necessary. For
example to indicate politely that the stone I've just tripped
over is exactly the same one I tripped over last week or
last year. A kind of unobtrusive, gentle Dr.Watson to my
dynamic Sherlock Holmes. What I don't want is
to be dominated, harassed, bullied, interrupted and nagged
by a mere concept, a chimera, a mirage.
What does it look like anyway?
Has anyone ever seen a Guilt? I don't mean the kind
that could be and should be haunting you if you've done something
really really bad, but just the average,
non-descript, irritating voice-over which never stops droning
that....uh....what exactly is it droning?
I've been working on it and staring
at it so much that I decided to take time off and
make a slideshow of some of the stages up to now. There comes
a time in every painting, for me anyway, when every part of it is frozen and something radical must be done in order
to get the flow going again. That's where I am at the moment
but I haven't yet taken any radical steps.
Do you see a black rectangle? The slideshow will start playing in a minute or
two. If it doesn't, you can watch it over at my blip.tv page. Unfortunately, the shape of the video screen doesn't
allow for the whole height of the painting to show and the
panning effect distorts it even more. Ach! Next time I won't
For some reason, the music doesn't play over here but it works on the main Blaugustine and at blip.tv.
I've been working on it, hoping to
finish before my birthday (August 7) but I can't predict
what the painting wants to do. Here you see it in my studio
and how it sort of flows into the surroundings. I think I'm
going to change the title to PRISM . The colours in
this photo do not accurately represent the real thing.
Speaking of birthday: can I have some
requests as to what you, my loyal visitors, would like as
my birthday post? You know, like those radio request programmes.
I will try to comply with your wishes, unless they are awkward
questions like, how old are you?. The answer to that, my
friends, is blowing in the wind.