Thursday, April 08, 2021


Is it possible to have a genuinely close, honest relationship with another human being, whether family, friend, spouse, lover or colleague without occasionally exploding? By exploding I mean saying things - possibly in a loud voice or perhaps in a tight-lipped sarcastic voice, depending on your personality and upbringing - things which are harsh, hurtful, maybe true, maybe false, things which you will regret saying?

I don't think it's possible nor desirable. We are, after all, beings constructed out of zillions of unimaginably small particles dancing on something tinier than the head of a pin, bumping into each other unpredictably. So it's understandable that when in close proximity with another human, emotionally and perhaps physically, there will be friction and explosions too, now and then. More now than then.

After explosions, apologies help to cool overheated air and soothe bruised feelings but do they guarantee an explosion-free future? No. Because some humans (not all) keep an internal dossier of past explosions, with notes of what he said/she said and this dossier gets heavier as time goes by, never losing its power to spark more and more destructive explosions.

My remedy? Allow yourself and anyone you really truly care about to explode whenever necessary. Say what you want to say, let them say what they want to say. If tears are shed let them flow. Then laugh, and burn the dossier if you've been keeping one. It's vital to burn the dossier. To be free of the dossier.

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