LATEST FANTASY

Today’s fantasy goes like this:

Boris has a dream that he and Putin are getting drunk together. He wakes up and shouts EUREKA! I HAVE THE SOLUTION!

Boris phones Putin via a top top top secret number. He tells him that they must meet immediately, face to face, because both of them are the greatest rulers the world has ever known. Vlad is intrigued and agrees. A top top top secret rendezvous is arranged. They meet alone in a soundproof room. Boris hands Vlad a written Russian translation of what he is saying:

“Vlad, you and I have never in our lives told the truth. We have the balls, the guts, the power to get away with it. This is why we are kings, rulers and brothers. I had a dream which revealed this extraordinary fact to me. This is why I’m here to drink with you while we tell each other all the things we’ve got away with. I’ll tell you in English, you tell me in Russian. We don’t need to understand the words. I’ve brought the most expensive vodka and whisky in the universe. Isn’t this the most earth-shaking event ever?”

Vlad is flattered. Both begin drinking and talking at the same time. They reminisce about the innumerable lies they have told throughout their lives. They laugh a lot and shed a few crocodilly tears.

Boris goes home ecstatic. Now that he has ended the war in Ukraine, partygate will be forgotten and he will be crowned king at the next election.

Instead, all hell has broken loose. His secret speech to Putin has been broadcast all over the world. Putin’s replies were the words of the Russian national anthem spoken backward. The Ukraine war is not over. Boris has been fined for partygate and has to resign. At the next election, Jeremy Corbyn runs as leader of a new party, Demogratitude, and is elected Prime Minister.