MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING

I brought my own CD since the instruction sheet said I could. What it didn't say was just how loud the magnetic noises would be, reducing Bach to tinny sounds far, far away in the stratosphere. A different coloured liquid was injected in my arm - the bottle is purely imaginary but I can't swear that the ancient Egyptian character was not there, performing an ancient ritual designed to remind me of where I came from and reassuring me that it's not time to go yet.

Why don't they employ some ordinary DIY enthusiasts to solve the noise problem in these state-of-the-art scanners? I'm sure they'd come up with something - wouldn't you, if you lived next door to one of these with no chance of moving elsewhere? Pure technology, like pure magic and pure art, often lacks common sense. Big noise is big problem to most humans and so are confined claustrophobic spaces. You need a touch of the common to deal with human problems.

SCANNED: Part One

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BACK HOME...

from New York but jet-lagged and sleepy so I'll save the long report for later. This is just to say thank you very much to all you wonderful people, whoever and wherever, who left messages for me here. You are in my heart, truly you are.Tomorrow I go for an MRI and a CAT scan and hope to find the whole experience as hilarious as it is unreal. Keep me in mind and offer up sweet scents, fatted calves, goblets of wine or whatever you think will work magic to make everything be hunky and dory.

THIS IS NOT A MOVIE

Well....

The results of the latest biopsy, analysed by a pathologist who happens to be, apparently, the best in Europe, are that the lump might be cancerous. But also might not be. The only way they can know for sure which of those two possibilities is correct is to take it out.

Simple, right? Wrong. Not simple. Because taking it out has the risk (as we already knew) of possible damage to facial nerves, a risk increased by the, er, old-ishness of the patient and therefore also slower healing process. But leaving it in carries the risk of the thing being, in fact the Big C. Or if it isn't now, of its becoming so at a later date and then spreading and.....well, you get my drift.

So. I could choose to do nothing. But that would (probably) be daft. So I don't have a choice. The wheels have been set in motion. The week after I get back from New York, I'm booked to have an MRI scan of head and neck and then the operation. Two or three days in hospital, if no complications. I don't even want to say the words: Hospital Superbugs. There, I didn't say it.

Do I want my face cut up? Do I want a scar around my ear and neck? Do I want risks? No no and no. I am not upset. I don't actually believe any of this. I was listening to the calm, rational, considerate explanations of the two tall, handsome, competent, urbane surgeons who are going to be wielding the scalpels on my innocent little face and it was like being in a movie. The chief surgeon called me Natalie and ran his soft hand around my neck and jaw in such a warm caressing way. Quite sexy actually. And his registrar, the other surgeon who will be assisting him, was talking to me in such a frank, conversational, normal manner. I was wondering when the drinks would be passed round and I wanted to ask if they were bloggers in their spare time. But this is not a movie. It's real life and real life is serious. Isn't it?

IS ROCK FLIPPIN' THE NEW ROCK & ROLL?

Dave of the famed and well-travelled Via Negativa declared September 2nd International Rock Flipping Day and I was all set to post my own flip but somehow yesterday vanished and now it's the next day. Anyway here is my contribution to this excellent interactive project. Go and check out the entries and why not find your own rock to roll over?

I cheated since it was September 1st when I walked up to Parliament Hill, the nearest bit of wildlife in my area, eyes firmly focused on the ground. I was astonished that not a single rock reared its head in such a vast expanse of grass and bushes and trees and the few small stones on footpaths were so deeply embedded that there was no way to pry them loose since I had not thought of bringing any rock-flipping equipment, believing that my foot would be sufficient. I refused to give up without leaving at least one stone turned and finally an unremarkable pinkish-grey object about four inches wide presented itself and allowed me to flip - or, more accurately, kick it - out of its comfortable hole for the necessary photographic evidence. I could not detect any activity underneath but I suppose if I had poked around the hole a bit deeper there might have been the odd worm or ant but by that time I was hungry and the cafés at the top of Swains Lane beckoned.

BACK TO LALALALALA

Uh-oh. Just when I thought I could forget about the invisible LOC I get a call this afternoon from the secretary of the specialist saying he wants to see me before I leave to discuss the results of the second biopsy of the lump-on-cheek done on August 22nd. That one was more thorough than the previous one and was done by a proper doctor rather than a technician so I felt quite relieved and didn't think I'd need to see the doc again until October, as arranged. So what's this all about now? Why won't they tell me on the phone why it can't wait? I have an appointment for Tuesday Sept.4 and until then I'll have to gag my imaginationto stop it from, um, imagining things. Lalalalala isn't much use in this case.

APOLOGIES FOR ABSENCE PAST AND IMMINENT

Helloooo again. I'm still alive. Been busy with visiting relatives and small children and related activities, none of which included sitting at a computer screen and I must admit it was good to loosen my dependance on this machine though we are still an item.

However there will be another longish gap before I get back to full bloggery because I am going to New York from September 7th to Sept. 19th and will not be taking any form of cyber communication equipment with me. I'll be meeting up with bloggy friends in the Big Apple and also trying to do a bit of promotion for The God Interviews and also taking a quick trip to Boston to see family. Hope to have lots of news and pictures when I return so you will wait for me, won't you? Probably one more blogpost before I leave.

Meanwhile, here's someone to watch over you while I'm gone. She was swinging from the rafters at London Zoo and stopped to survey the crowds pressing their faces against the glass barrier, an expression on her face which might have been disdain or bewilderment or sadness or none of those. Whatever it was, I felt sorry that this magnificent creature was so far from her home and condemned to be gawped at by the likes of us.

MEDICAL REPORT, ANTONY GORMLEY, AND COMPUTER SCREEN RADIATION

No operation, no hospital, no worries. Sort of. Though the lymph node on my cheek is not malignant it usually would be removed but the consultant was categorically against operating because he said that at my, erm, age there is a very high risk of damage to facial nerves and healing doesn't go so well as it would if I were, erm, much younger. Okay, I'm relieved, no operation. But the ultrasound biopsy has to be done again shortly because there was an insufficient sample last time. Why insufficient? Who knows? And I have to see the consultant again in two months.

Now I'll tell you what I've been thinking. For the past four years I've spent a truly ginormous amount of time sitting in front of of a computer screen, sometimes for twelve hours or more, continuously, day after day and many nights after nights, usually quite close to the screen especially when working on images in close-up. You can guess where this is headed, right? Non-ionizing radiation from computer screens, low-level electro-magnetic radiation, etc.There are three schools of thought on the subject:

1) Nothing to worry about.
2) The research is inconclusive.
3) Plenty to worry about.
The information is out there. You just have to sift through it and judge for yourself what, if anything, to do about it.

One thing is for sure: I'm going to drastically reduce the amount of time I spend sitting at my beloved computer. To get away from the dangerous beloved I went to see the Antony Gormley exhibition at the Hayward Gallery. The whole-body casts of Gormley standing on rooftops are wonderful, both in concept and execution.

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THE BIRTHDAY

A WEDDING, AND REMINISCENCE OF LATENESS

By the way, there's a new theme at OUT OF THE BOX to which I hope everyone will contribute. It doesn't have to be taken too seriously - just playing can have surprising results.

Went to the beautiful wedding of my beautiful niece yesterday on the most beautiful day of this temperamental summer. After a moving marriage ceremony in historic Pitzhanger Manor House in Ealing booked for the occasion, everyone adjourned to the park for picnicking and games on the grass.

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