I don't know why it's become so hard to write a blog post or
to write anything at all, even a letter. You could say I'm blocked -
writer's block, artist's block, blogger's block. Do blockers (those
who are talented at blocking other people) ever suffer from blocks?
Rhetorical questions aside, putting one word in front of another in some
vaguely interesting manner has become a chore to be avoided by any
means and there are always plenty of avoidance means at hand. Yet I
still have a sense of duty (how vain!) to turn up and remind anyone
who happens to be passing by that I'm still here. Or maybe to remind
myself that I'm still here.
So: I've been looking through portfolios of my old..
very old..drawings
and will pin some of them up on this blank wall. It's both annoying and
challenging to re-visit these youthful works and conclude that many
are better than anything I've done in recent times. I don't believe the
theory that artists' best work is created in their youth and anyway I
can't speak for anyone else. But I want to look into possible reasons
why some - I've picked out around 100 drawings - of my early works seem
to achieve
something (I'm not going to try and define that
something) which I'm not achieving now.
I can easily teleport myself back to those years (17-18-19 years old)
and remember clearly what I felt when I was drawing then. I believed in
Art, I was romantically in love with Art, it was my mission. I wasn't
hesitant or doubtful but confident in my ability to take on anything Art
could throw at me. The first five large drawings below were done from
sculptures in the Louvre where my tutor, an école des Beaux Arts
professor, would meet me every day and teach me to draw in the classical
manner, with plumb line and pencil held out at arm's length to measure
proportions: "
Aplomb! Proportion!" he would repeat like a
mantra. I can still hear it now. Each drawing took weeks and he was
wonderfully severe but after a while, when he saw that I was making real
progress, we became friends. He said we were now equals and that I
could draw "like a man". Yes, this was before feminist
consciousness-raising but my joy at this verdict was boundless.
More old drawings to come, next time.
NdA Charcoal. Roman bas-relief, Louvre. 42cm x 47cm (16.5" x 18.5")
(The male bits in the facing warrior were missing. Not my doing!)
NdA Charcoal. Roman portrait, Louvre. 48cm x 63cm (19" x 25")
NdA Charcoal. Roman head, Louvre. 48cm x 62cm (19" x23.5")
NdA Charcoal. Old Roman Senator, Louvre. 48cm x 63cm (19" x 25")
NdA Charcoal. Roman bas-relief. 48cm x 62cm (19" x 23.5")
NdA Charcoal. 48cm x 63cm After El Greco "The Holy Trinity"
NdA Young self, Paris. 32.5cm x 43.5cm Charcoal and wash on oiled paper.